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  • Protect My Innocence

Realities of Gender Transition Surgery: A Testimony

Below is a first hand account of the horrors a male experienced from gender reassignment surgery. Browsing through his Twitter profile it is explicit that he takes responsibility for choosing to get the surgery. His anger stems from the affirmation and pressure he received from consultants that the only option during a period of many mental ailments, was gender reassignment surgery.


He goes by TullipR on Twitter and you can find his profile here. The story was first posted on Twitter and is in paragraph form below. TullipR actively supports people in similar situations and speaks out against the push towards these types of surgeries through podcasts, social media, and other internet platforms.


Some of the details are graphic.


 

Twitter post:


I want to tell everyone what they took from us, what irreversible really means, and what that reality looks like for us. No one told me any of what I’m going to tell you now.

I have no sensation in my crotch region at all. You could stab me with a knife and I wouldn't know. The entire area is numb, like it's shell shocked and unable to comprehend what happened, even 4 years on.

I tore a sutra 4 days post recovery, they promised to address it, i begged them in emails to fix it, they scorned me instead. Years later, I have what looks like a chunk of missing flesh next to my neo-vagina, it literally looks like someone hacked at me. They still wont fix it

No one told me that the base area of your penis is left, it can't be removed - meaning you're left with a literal stump inside that twitches. When you take Testosterone and your libido returns, you wake up with morning wood, without the tree. I wish this was a joke

And if you do take testosterone after being post op, you run the risk of internal hair in the neo-vagina. Imagine dealing with internal hair growth after everything? What a choice... be healthy on Testosterone and a freak, or remain a sexless eunuch.

And thats something that will never come back and one of the reason why i got surgery. My sex drive died about 6 months on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and at the time I was glad to be rid of it, but now 10 years later, Im realising what im missing out on and what I won't get back.

Because even if i had a sex drive, my neo vagina is so narrow and small, i wouldn't even be able to have sex if i wanted too. And when I do use a small dilator, I have random pockets of sensation that only seem to pick up pain, rather than pleasure.

Any pleasure I do get comes from the Prostate that was moved forward and wrapped in glands from the penis, meaning anal sex isnt possible and can risk further damage.

Then theres the dreams. I dream often, that I have both sets of genitals, in the dream I'm distressed I have both, why both I think? I tell myself to wake up because I know its just a dream. And I awaken into a living nightmare.

In those moments of amnesia as I would wake, I would reach down to my crotch area expecting something that was there for 3 decades, and it's not. My heart skips a beat, every single damn time.

Then theres the act of going to the toilet. It takes me about 10 minutes to empty my bladder, it's extremely slow, painful and because it dribbles no matter how much i relax, it will then just go all over that entire area, leaving me soaken.

So after cleaning myself up, I will find moments later that my underwear is wet - no matter how much I wiped, it slowly drips out for the best part of an hour. I never knew at 35 I ran the risk like smelling like piss everywhere I went.

Now i get to the point where im detransitioned and the realisation that this is permanent is catching up with me. During transition, I was obsessive and deeply unwell, I cannot believe they were allowed to do this to me, even after all the red flags.

I wasn't even asked if I wanted to freeze sperm or want kids. In my obsessive, deeply unwell state they just nodded along and didnt tell me the realities, what life would be like.

And finally, theres dilation, which is like some sort of demonic ceremony where you impale yourself for 20 agonising minutes to remind you of your own stupidity.


This isn't even the half of it. And this isn't regret either, this is grief and anger.


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